silly thoughts

I have these silly thoughts. More and more often. I hate myself for it.
Why don’t you stop thinking them?

Because they make me, they are my substance. If I stop them I will die.

Then die. Don’t think you’re so important.

I either say nothing or talk too much. I tell things I shouldn’t. Then again, I say nothing and keep everything inside. Then I am so full with emotion that I cry. A storm swirling inside my head, making me dizzy and resentful.

Don’t consider yourself so important. You are nothing. You must accept your weakness. Stop trying to impress. There is nothing you can say that hasn’t already been said.

I feel so weak again. I was strong and eternal. I thought nothing would ever touch me again. Not me, not after everything that has happened. But I have been caught, I am losing myself again, drowning in love and fear. I hate this state, I hate myself for it, this dependency and attraction that makes me cry at night. So much I love him and so much I hate myself for doing so.

Don’t be so romantic. Don’t say you love him. You don’t love anybody. You love the feeling of loving, because it makes you forget. It makes life seem so beautiful, but nothing has changed. The chaos in your head, the dreadful moments, the despair. He could be dead tomorrow and so could you.

Why can’t you leave me alone? What do you know about love anyway? You are just a parasite, feeding on my brain.

That’s what you think. I am you and I will keep on reminding you. Pretty one.